Scams 101

Oh for goodness sake! If you’re going to run a scam, at least employ people who can think on their feet!

Phone rings. I answer.

Pause. This is always a dead giveaway, but sometimes it’s easier to resign yourself than have the system ring back.

 Asian Gent: (No racism, here. It’s the nature of the cold-calling industry.) Is that Mr Mumble mumble? (standard cold-call version of slightly unusual surname).

 There are various replies to this. Excuse me, it’s a woman you’re speaking to!  works well(it’s also the truth), and No, he’s dead, (he is), is a showstopper. Both can produce satisfying confusion and embarrassment. But again, sometimes it’s easier to give in and get it over with.

 Me: Yeah.

AG: You have been selected by the Ferral Gumment to receive an allowance of 5, 276 dollars…

Me: Yeah? Pull the other one.


HUGE mistake! I should instantly have received vociferous assurances that it was all true, but instead – a flummoxed pause. Admittedly the poor guy has probably never heard the phrase before, but that’s precisely my point. If you’re going to run a scam, at least employ people who can think on their feet.

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1 Response to Scams 101

  1. marymtf says:

    I pretend that English is my second language, sometimes I tell the caller that I’m independently wealthy and don’t need what’s on offer, sometimes I say that I’m housesitting but if they’d like to give me their number I would get the owner to call back. I’m sure you’ve heard them all. The main thing is to have fun.

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