Right to Brag
Tell us about something you (or a person close to you) have done recently (or not so recently) that has made you really, unabashedly proud.
It took me a while to realise this, but I was sidetracked, you see, by the notion that consumer clout depended on ravening hoards demanding more taste in their brekkie food or more power in their Porsches. Whereas all the time it was me, quietly going about my business. The results have been truly amazing. I simply have to take a fancy to something and it’s gone forever.
So far, I have kept this ability close to my chest (which in all its years of bra-wearing, has never managed to find the same model twice). But I can’t help thinking there’s money to be made from it, and in the current economic climate, it may be time to exploit it. Is your competition a problem? Employ me. I can clear brands from supermarket shelves in no time flat, and with no fear of reprisals or expensive lawsuits. I look inoffensive. My modus operandi is undetectable. My success rate is off the charts. I am the secret weapon of your dreams.
It does mean, of course, that there’s a certain instability in my shopping list. Today’s favourite brand of cheese will be gone by tomorrow. The wraps replacing the disappearing pocket bread will have vanished by next week. The factory producing my shampoo of choice burned to the ground (the truth, I swear) and even my preferred health bar has been edged out by inferior substitutes coated in chocolate (I ask you!).
But all privilege entails responsibility, and pride demands a quid pro quo, and these are the sacrifices we make. (Note to self: send this pearl of wisdom to current Oz leaders.) It will take a while to find a substitute for my latest coup (chicken sausages), but I am sustained by the justifiable pride I feel at having cleared the town of them (one supermarket, two butchers’ shops) in a mere three weeks.
Much is asked of those to whom much is given, they say. Or something like that…