Daily prompt: Shop ’til it drops

Daily Prompt
Right to Brag
Tell us about something you (or a person close to you) have done recently (or not so recently) that has made you really, unabashedly proud.

perthnow.com.au

perthnow.com.au

Unabashedly proud isn’t something that springs to mind, when I think of me. (In fact unabashedly isn’t a word that would trip off my tongue whatever I achieved, but that’s another issue.) However I do have one rather unusual talent that causes my heart to swell with immodest gratification on a regular basis: my power as a shopper is unsurpassed.

It took me a while to realise this, but I was sidetracked, you see, by the notion that consumer clout depended on ravening hoards demanding more taste in their brekkie food or more power in their Porsches. Whereas all the time it was me, quietly going about my business. The results have been truly amazing. I simply have to take a fancy to something and it’s gone forever.

So far, I have kept this ability close to my chest (which in all its years of bra-wearing, has never managed to find the same model twice). But I can’t help thinking there’s money to be made from it, and in the current economic climate, it may be time to exploit it. Is your competition a problem? Employ me. I can clear brands from supermarket shelves in no time flat, and with no fear of reprisals or expensive lawsuits. I look inoffensive. My modus operandi is undetectable. My success rate is off the charts. I am the secret weapon of your dreams.

It does mean, of course, that there’s a certain instability in my shopping list. Today’s favourite brand of cheese will be gone by tomorrow. The wraps replacing the disappearing pocket bread will have vanished by next week. The factory producing my shampoo of choice burned to the ground (the truth, I swear) and even my preferred health bar has been edged out by inferior substitutes coated in chocolate (I ask you!).

But all privilege entails responsibility, and pride demands a quid pro quo, and these are the sacrifices we make. (Note to self: send this pearl of wisdom to current Oz leaders.) It will take a while to find a substitute for my latest coup (chicken sausages), but I am sustained by the justifiable pride I feel at having cleared the town of them (one supermarket, two butchers’ shops) in a mere three weeks.

Much is asked of those to whom much is given, they say. Or something like that…

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18 Responses to Daily prompt: Shop ’til it drops

  1. M-R says:

    And I thought it was me !!! – so it was YOU !! [grin]

  2. bkpyett says:

    And in Tasmania, Sherbert was a favourite. Chicken sausages sound wonderful too… shall have to see if any landed here. The bra thing is so true, I don’t know why I can’t ever find the same again. Perhaps I leave it too long between replacements.

  3. Chicken sausages?! How does that work?

    • Chicken mince at sausage consistency, instead of beef (or lamb or pork). Far more digestible. far less fat. And if you’re really lucky, for example in Leonard’s chicken shop in Sydney, you can get them in several varieties. (My favourite comes with spinach and pine nuts.) Here? Nothing so fancy.Nothing at all, now.

  4. YES! The bras especially!! My motto: if it ain’t broke don’t fix, tweak, alter, or update it!

  5. Martha Kennedy says:

    Really fun reading!

  6. ChristineR says:

    Last time I bought bras I got two. And when I went up a size, I was lucky to find the exact same brand again at Big W. (I’m back down in the smaller size again now.) We also have the vanishing favourite products virus at our local supermarket. It’s annoying. I’m sure they do it on purpose. 🙂

  7. Sausage made from chicken deserves your best efforts and should fly off the shelves. If God had wanted sausage made from chicken he’d have given pigs wings.
    I can’t help much with bras, but suggest you check your closest synagogue and try sewing two yarmulkes together.

  8. Pingback: Not to brag, but… | The Hempstead Man

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