If you could slow down an action that usually zooms by, or speed up an event that normally drags on, which would you choose, and why?
But you see, I can do this already.
I don’t need the ‘if you could…’
Hypnotise myself, chuck a bit of time distortion into the subconscious, and she’ll be apples, mate.
You don’t believe me, do you. But it’s true. Admittedly I’m not as good at it as I used to be, owing to not needing it so much these days. I don’t do things that I find a drag, and the good stuff – I’ve developed the art of revelling in it and relishing it to the full, so making it seem to last longer would be sheer self-indulgence. And that would never do, would it.
In the past, though… A Mothers’ Morning Tea springs to mind. Come and meet the mothers of your child’s classmates? Me? A fish up a tree would be downright comfy by comparison. But a bit of hypnotic wind-up and I skated through it without even checking my watch.
Doesn’t do to get too gung-ho about it, though. In my three-job days, I got by by using time distortion to make four hours’ sleep a night seem like eight, and while my mind accepted it, my body ultimately jacked up. Not clever. Although possibly, in the circumstances, the lesser of two evils.
Maybe I should run a hypnosis clinic for those embarking on long-haul flights: Three sessions, my lovelies, and 24 hours locked in a tin can will whip by in a flash…