Literate for a Day
Someone or something you can’t communicate with through writing (a baby, a pet, an object) can understand every single word you write today, for one day only. What do you tell them?
Are you aware of what a scam you are? Not legally, of course. I feel sure your sponsors have taken advice to ensure their financial backs are protected from malcontents like me. But morally…
Three shades whiter teeth? I don’t think so! Before I had my cataracts removed you might have fooled me, but these days… My vision may not be 20/20 even now, but it’s certainly good enough to know that my choppers are not the vision of sparkling brilliance your advertising suggests.
And don’t think I’m stupid, either. I’m never going to look like the sexy young thing fluttering her eyelashes above the twinkle of special effects. I know that as well as you do. But is it unreasonable to expect some improvement? Again, I don’t think so! And this despite the small print on your luxury tube that says individual results may vary. Vary, yes. Be non-existent? Not on your nelly! Not when I’ve paid an extra arm for the privilege of your presence.
And that’s another thing. Your tube. You wisely make no claims for that. And why should you? Ever since lead in tubes became illegal, manufacturers have snuffled happily at the trough of consumer exploitation, using materials that guarantee at least 10% of the contents is inaccessible. But you’ve upped the ante on this as well by using a cap that foils all attempts at last-ditch mangling, and thus the two extra brushes this usually yielded. Which is not just immoral, it’s downright unsporting.
I notice your sponsors are now recommending the purchase of your new companion to boost your performance – the special toothbrush with whitening pen. What does that say? Clever marketing and gullible consumers, I’d imagine.
No surprises there.