Mad as a Hatter
Tell us about a time when you flew into a rage. What is it that made you so incredibly angry?
In WP-speak, it apparently means mad as a cut snake.
Which is a pity, because I don’t do the cut snake thing.
I did, when pushed to extremes one day, chuck and onion at my squabbling children, but even that was pretty feeble when you consider I had the chopping knife in my other hand.
On the whole, though, good, full-blooded rage tends to reduce me to impotent paralysis. I blame my upbringing. If you lose your temper, my father always said, you lose the argument, which I’ve never had reason to doubt, but it does deny me the (albeit temporary) satisfaction of a good dummy-spit. Although I do have it on good authority that my stink-eye packs a fairly hefty punch. This is the same principle as tears suppressed onstage usually having far more impact that the odd dribble, suggesting as they do unplumbed depths of emotion which, in the case of anger, can be fairly scary.
Not that any of this is calculated. It speaks to my inhibitions, rather than any crafty manipulations on my part. What gets me going? Lies tempt me to grab the liar by the throat and shake the truth from his/her rattling back teeth. Injustice can call up fantasies of knives, guts and grovelling recantations from those who had the power and arrogance to perpetrate it.
Most of all, though, it’s the lying, self-righteous, patronising pontifications of pollies that really set me off. Any one of those three components separately would do nasty things to my insides, but when they spew forth premixed from the mouths of those smug little bastards blind drunk on the rarefied air of the seat of power, I want to smack them right in their pearly-whites. Do they think I’m STUPID?
If I ever had the joy of a serious confrontation with any of these idiots – say our current PM – I would keep my father’s advice front and centre in my mind. Partly because hysterical ranting wouldn’t come across well (he considers women inferior anyway), but mostly because I’ve learned from experience that nothing irks patronising egotists quite as much as mild amusement.