Daily prompt: Oldish woman hits headlines again


Witness Protection

When you do something scary or stressful — bungee jumping, public speaking, etc. — do you prefer to be surrounded by friends or by strangers? Why?

The woman in her seventies who last week shocked a small north-coast town by running naked down the main street caused a stir again yesterday when she attempted to hang-glide from the local headland.

‘Good on her for having a go,’ local surf-rescue spokesman Ty Jakeb told reporters, ‘but it was never going to work. The headland’s too low, the wind was wrong, she was using a bed sheet, and no offence, but she’s too old to get a good run-up.’

Mr Jakeb and his colleague used the Surf Club’s rescue boat to pull the woman from the water and a local ambulance crew transported her to the golf course to be airlifted to hospital by the Westpac Air Rescue helicopter.

Speaking from her hospital bed today, the woman was obviously still in considerable pain from her two broken legs, a broken arm, concussion and extensive lacerations caused by oysters on the rocks at the foot of the headland.

‘But it was all worth it,’ she said. ‘Wordpress staff are terminally young like Peter Pan, incapable of realising that people over 40 might be still alive, so it’s a case of if you can’t beat ‘em, join em. Bungee jumping and public speaking were out so I did the next best thing, and I’ll be able to say that the only witnesses worth having are the ones with medical training.’

Further investigation suggests the woman may be spot on about WordPress, and politicians are today calling for a Royal Commission into ageist bias in the blogging giant’s organisation.

‘They might be stars in the blogging world,’ one MP is quoted as saying, ‘but look what happened to Johnny Depp’s dog.’


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