Shape Up or Ship Out
Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.
Begone oh sloth! For thou dost sit upon
My shoulders with the hefty weight of guilt.
‘Tis far too long since all the woodwork shone
And daddy longlegs lost the webs they’ve built.
Begone oh sloth, and let me scrub the floors
And dust the books – file papers – bin a lot
And wash the fingerprints from off the doors
And clear the fridge of oddments long forgot.
Begone oh sloth! The windows have become
Bespattered with the dregs of summer showers
And suicidal bugs and salty scum
Til cleaning them will take me weary hours.
Dear sloth, ‘tis true that you have served me well
But now, unless you quit, I’ll go to hell.