Seems the world is going to end on September 23, according to a very learned Methodist gentleman (don’t know why the Methodist bit is important) in Chicago whose name I have conveniently forgotten.
At this point, the good guys will be swept up to heaven and the rest of us (or the rest of them, depending on your status) will be left to endure seven years of catastrophic torment – although if the world has ended, the venue for this agony is problematic…
No wait, hang on. I seem to have got that wrong. Ish. September 23 isn’t exactly IT – kaboom – all gone. It’s the day when the sign will appear warning us of the beginning of the End of Days which will officially start on October 21, involving cataclysmic climatic events and the end of the world ‘as we know it’. So presumably there will be enough world left for the sufferers to writhe unimpeded.
I have to admit I do have a few problems with this whole concept. The first is obvious. I can’t bring myself to read/listen to the prophecy closely enough to master the details so I’m not entirely sure what to expect or when. Only that it won’t be good.
Secondly, if it turns out I’m one of the bad guys, what implications will that have for my allotted lifespan? In seven years I’ll be 81, and what if I was never meant to live that long? Will I score a few more years in order to fulfil the prophecy, or will I move on to the torment of hell instead – or possibly even make it to heaven on parole? And what happens after the seven years? Is that the ultimate kaboom moment?
Next, the world as I knew it disappeared down the gurgler a long time ago, so I’m not sure what ‘as we know it’ means.
But my biggest problem is this: September 23 here happens 14 to 17 hours before it happens in the US, and 15 hours before it happens in Chicago specifically, which would mean that if the axe is going to fall Chicago time, I can’t breathe easy even when it’s tomorrow here. Or does this mean that I and mine will face this thing 15 hours before the Methodist gentleman? And coincidentally, 17 hours before my son faces it, he being currently in LA? I’m not happy about this. Will he be spending 17 hours trying desperately to ascertain the fate of his family?
I suppose I could email the Methodist gentleman and ask him to clarify these things, but as it is now D-day + 15 minutes in Chicago (3.15 pm here), he could well be otherwise occupied.
Alternatively – and this, I’m ashamed to say, appeals to me more – I could send an email suggesting that his brain function would be vastly improved by dedicated consumption of leafy greens.